I decided to start a blog this morning while walking around the track. There is simply too much in my head to get it all down on paper....or my Facebook status - of which I probably have friends who don't read my status' anymore because I tend to update them so much lol. So here goes...
Today I woke up at 6 and had devotional time - always a great thing first thing in the morning. I'm starting to read through the whole NT again. So far, my favorite version of the bible is the amplified translation. Very wordy and perfect for an intelligent woman like me. I like details and descriptions and God usually talks to me with pictures, words and thoughts.
After that, I went to the Kroc Center to work out. I am trying to have it become a regular habit that I get up at 5am and go work out at 7am. That has been a challenge lately, but I am working on it. I always stretch first and then do a mile on the elipticals before strength training. Today I did that and another mile on the eliptical afterwards. Then I rested for about 10 minutes before heading to the track.
Now when I do strength training etc, I'm always listening to Andy Hunter. For some reason it just really helps me focus. Music is my number one influence...just under God and His Word. So when I go to the track, I turn on the praise and worship and either sing along silently or pray or think. Sometimes I do all three.
I started walking the track and started thinking about what I could do to further God's Kingdom. Now, for those of you who are not aware of my testimony, let me just say that I wouldn't be here today if God didn't have a purpose and a plan for my life. Sometimes when I think about something, it grows in my mind's eye and tends to become all I see. It has gotten much better over the years and I have learned a lot. So this blog thing just kind of set itself up in my mind and I thought of the things I could write. Oh, the things I can write! My mind works overtime all the time, so this will be a good outlet for all that brain power that goes on up there lol!
So today, I want to share about some of the things that God has brought me through. Here are a few things that have sometimes knocked me down flat: anxiety, anger, depression, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, being controlled by other people, a slave mentality, vowing that I would always fail, inferiority complex, low self esteem, no self worth, hatred, bitterness, the roller coaster ride, lust, a failed marriage, disappointment, hurt, anguish, loneliness, horror, addictions, and mistreatment.
The stuff listed above is only a small fraction of what I've been through in my life. So why am I talking about it now? I have a few theories about that question - but the main reason is to give glory to God because of what He has brought me through. No one else could have saved me the way that God has.
I may not have a college degree, but I have a ton of life experience under my belt. Telling my testimony will help someone out there who is going through the same struggles that I have gone through, felt the same feelings that I've felt. If one person says, 'yes, I've been there, I can relate to what she's talking about,' then all of this is worth it.
God has given me a passion to help others. I am only 32 and there were times where I felt like my life had ended. Now I know it's just beginning. I'd like to share about being single...and being content in being single.
There are a lot of books out there with thoughts on how the whole Christian 'dating' arena should go....and that's great....it's just not for me. It has always been my heart's desire to get married, have kids, the white picket fence, etc etc etc. And once upon a time, I would let the longing and the loneliness overwhelm me to the point of frustration and hurt because of these feelings. So how can I be content in being single? I'll tell you.
I have a saying, one that I say every day, no matter what is going on. Sometimes I say it at night, sometimes in the morning, but the point is is that I make it a point to say this prayer. 'God I love you, God I trust you. God I depend on you and give you my all.' What difference does that make? All the difference in the world! Loving something that's not there for me is the easy part. Trusting and depending on God when everyone else around me has failed me - that's the hard part - and it doesn't happen overnight. It's like standing with your back to the edge of a cliff and all you have to do is fall back, and He will catch you. You can't see what's behind you or below you, making you blind. When I am blind, I have the hardest time not freaking out.
Here's a good example. A friend of mine and I went with a group of people to Michigan's Adventure. They have a ride called the Rip Cord. It wasn't until we were almost finished flying forward that I realized that we were going to go backwards. I freaked out and screamed for all it was worth. Heart in my throat, adrenaline rush, the whole nine yards happened in that one split second.
After that, you'd think that falling backwards off a cliff into God's hand would be a piece of cake. Oh no! We are still hanging onto the rope(s) that someone has tossed to us trying to help us, not realizing that they are hindering us from taking that step of faith into God's plan for our lives.
Giving it all to God takes time and little steps. One of my major breakthroughs came when I finally figured out that my identity was in Christ - not in my performance or of what I did or did not do. The way I was raised - I was taught that the more I 'performed' correctly, the more love and acceptance I got. For now, we'll say that it didn't go well for me growing up. I have very few good memories of my childhood, but everyday, God heals a little more of that pain inside of my heart.
The secret to being content in being single is to give it back to God. He gave me the desire for marriage and family, and by giving that desire back to Him and letting Him hold onto it, I'm telling Him that I am trusting Him and that I know that He knows what is best for me. Some people might think that by giving God my desire that it would be a slap in the face to Him. Let me explain something to everyone. Women are complex creatures that God has created. He created us with desires and emotions. At one point in my life, my desire overtook everything else. That desire that God had given me to be married and have a family, twisted in my mind and became an unhealthy idol in my life. I ended up marrying someone who was unequally yoked with me and I was severely hurt by that man in my life. It is also why I have an issue with friendships with my guy friends. I have several friends who are guys, but because of the hurt that I endured because I had twisted a God given desire in my heart and made it into something that it should never have been, I have a hard time talking or relating to them sometimes. By the way, if you are a guy and you are reading this and have been offended at something I have said or acted towards you in the past, I am sorry. This is something that God is working with me on. I deal with the repercussions of the decisions that I have made in the past almost every day.
The great news is that I am not the same person I was two years ago. God Himself loved me enough to pick me up when I was under all of the emotional turmoil and events of my past and He set me upon the Rock. The hills melted like wax in the Presence of the Lord that day April 1, 2010. It was the greatest and saddest day of my life. Why the saddest? It was the greatest day because of me returning to the Lord...it was the saddest because it was also my grandmother's memorial service that day. But, I know that I'll see her again when I get to heaven.
This is only the tip of the iceberg and there is a lot more to come! Blessings and peace to you, my friend!
Today I woke up at 6 and had devotional time - always a great thing first thing in the morning. I'm starting to read through the whole NT again. So far, my favorite version of the bible is the amplified translation. Very wordy and perfect for an intelligent woman like me. I like details and descriptions and God usually talks to me with pictures, words and thoughts.
After that, I went to the Kroc Center to work out. I am trying to have it become a regular habit that I get up at 5am and go work out at 7am. That has been a challenge lately, but I am working on it. I always stretch first and then do a mile on the elipticals before strength training. Today I did that and another mile on the eliptical afterwards. Then I rested for about 10 minutes before heading to the track.
Now when I do strength training etc, I'm always listening to Andy Hunter. For some reason it just really helps me focus. Music is my number one influence...just under God and His Word. So when I go to the track, I turn on the praise and worship and either sing along silently or pray or think. Sometimes I do all three.
I started walking the track and started thinking about what I could do to further God's Kingdom. Now, for those of you who are not aware of my testimony, let me just say that I wouldn't be here today if God didn't have a purpose and a plan for my life. Sometimes when I think about something, it grows in my mind's eye and tends to become all I see. It has gotten much better over the years and I have learned a lot. So this blog thing just kind of set itself up in my mind and I thought of the things I could write. Oh, the things I can write! My mind works overtime all the time, so this will be a good outlet for all that brain power that goes on up there lol!
So today, I want to share about some of the things that God has brought me through. Here are a few things that have sometimes knocked me down flat: anxiety, anger, depression, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, being controlled by other people, a slave mentality, vowing that I would always fail, inferiority complex, low self esteem, no self worth, hatred, bitterness, the roller coaster ride, lust, a failed marriage, disappointment, hurt, anguish, loneliness, horror, addictions, and mistreatment.
The stuff listed above is only a small fraction of what I've been through in my life. So why am I talking about it now? I have a few theories about that question - but the main reason is to give glory to God because of what He has brought me through. No one else could have saved me the way that God has.
I may not have a college degree, but I have a ton of life experience under my belt. Telling my testimony will help someone out there who is going through the same struggles that I have gone through, felt the same feelings that I've felt. If one person says, 'yes, I've been there, I can relate to what she's talking about,' then all of this is worth it.
God has given me a passion to help others. I am only 32 and there were times where I felt like my life had ended. Now I know it's just beginning. I'd like to share about being single...and being content in being single.
There are a lot of books out there with thoughts on how the whole Christian 'dating' arena should go....and that's great....it's just not for me. It has always been my heart's desire to get married, have kids, the white picket fence, etc etc etc. And once upon a time, I would let the longing and the loneliness overwhelm me to the point of frustration and hurt because of these feelings. So how can I be content in being single? I'll tell you.
I have a saying, one that I say every day, no matter what is going on. Sometimes I say it at night, sometimes in the morning, but the point is is that I make it a point to say this prayer. 'God I love you, God I trust you. God I depend on you and give you my all.' What difference does that make? All the difference in the world! Loving something that's not there for me is the easy part. Trusting and depending on God when everyone else around me has failed me - that's the hard part - and it doesn't happen overnight. It's like standing with your back to the edge of a cliff and all you have to do is fall back, and He will catch you. You can't see what's behind you or below you, making you blind. When I am blind, I have the hardest time not freaking out.
Here's a good example. A friend of mine and I went with a group of people to Michigan's Adventure. They have a ride called the Rip Cord. It wasn't until we were almost finished flying forward that I realized that we were going to go backwards. I freaked out and screamed for all it was worth. Heart in my throat, adrenaline rush, the whole nine yards happened in that one split second.
After that, you'd think that falling backwards off a cliff into God's hand would be a piece of cake. Oh no! We are still hanging onto the rope(s) that someone has tossed to us trying to help us, not realizing that they are hindering us from taking that step of faith into God's plan for our lives.
Giving it all to God takes time and little steps. One of my major breakthroughs came when I finally figured out that my identity was in Christ - not in my performance or of what I did or did not do. The way I was raised - I was taught that the more I 'performed' correctly, the more love and acceptance I got. For now, we'll say that it didn't go well for me growing up. I have very few good memories of my childhood, but everyday, God heals a little more of that pain inside of my heart.
The secret to being content in being single is to give it back to God. He gave me the desire for marriage and family, and by giving that desire back to Him and letting Him hold onto it, I'm telling Him that I am trusting Him and that I know that He knows what is best for me. Some people might think that by giving God my desire that it would be a slap in the face to Him. Let me explain something to everyone. Women are complex creatures that God has created. He created us with desires and emotions. At one point in my life, my desire overtook everything else. That desire that God had given me to be married and have a family, twisted in my mind and became an unhealthy idol in my life. I ended up marrying someone who was unequally yoked with me and I was severely hurt by that man in my life. It is also why I have an issue with friendships with my guy friends. I have several friends who are guys, but because of the hurt that I endured because I had twisted a God given desire in my heart and made it into something that it should never have been, I have a hard time talking or relating to them sometimes. By the way, if you are a guy and you are reading this and have been offended at something I have said or acted towards you in the past, I am sorry. This is something that God is working with me on. I deal with the repercussions of the decisions that I have made in the past almost every day.
The great news is that I am not the same person I was two years ago. God Himself loved me enough to pick me up when I was under all of the emotional turmoil and events of my past and He set me upon the Rock. The hills melted like wax in the Presence of the Lord that day April 1, 2010. It was the greatest and saddest day of my life. Why the saddest? It was the greatest day because of me returning to the Lord...it was the saddest because it was also my grandmother's memorial service that day. But, I know that I'll see her again when I get to heaven.
This is only the tip of the iceberg and there is a lot more to come! Blessings and peace to you, my friend!
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