Saturday was a day of struggles for me. I wrestled with a lot of things, emotions, thoughts, lies and truth. It was an attack - and not one that was sent by God.
I believe that the life choices you make with your head, you can make with your heart also. I found myself thinking more and more about the days gone by where I drove semis for a living. It was fun at the time and I absolutely love driving and traveling.
However, there are many downfalls to driving a truck. You're gone for 6 to 8 weeks at a time. That means that I would have to give up things that God has placed in my life for a purpose. My little ones in RezKidz, Freedom classes, all of the friends that I have made, my home, the time that I have to spend in God's Word and draw closer to Him - there are so many things.
There are many up sides to trucking as well, but the fact is is that this is a different season that God has me in. Trucking for me is at an end and it's time for me to let it go.
I wrote down some goals about what I truly want to do with my life and I was a little surprised by the answers I put down.
Now, I don't have a college degree, but I do have a lot of life experience under my belt. I've been through things that no human being should ever have to go through. And I know that God will use my testimony to reach others for Him. This is goal number one - and the most important.
The next goal that I have I'm not going to write down here. Some things are meant not to be said. It's a promise that God gave me a few months ago. I just have to be patient and spend the time that is given to me getting ready.
The third goal I have is to do a music internship through my church. I have loved music ever since I was a child. It was my one saving grace in school when everything else around me was crashing down.
So, when everything was going on on Saturday, and a lot of it was emotional, God showed up. He usually shows up in the midst of all the chaos. I could feel myself turning into the decision to go back to truck driving.
God told me to wait a little while longer and to not give up. The emotions that I was dealing with had to do with the thoughts in my head. Looking back, I can make that connection now.
This is not the first time that I have felt this way and I don't think it will be the last time either. The difference is that I have grown in the Lord and these feelings don't take over my entire life anymore.
When I posted the comment about OTR driving again, I was feeling a little desperate and wanted to escape. Typical of my flesh to do that when the going gets tough. Well, too bad, so sad flesh! I am not going anywhere!
Yesterday, God truly showed me how much I would be missed if I went back to truck driving. My kids bombarded me with hugs yesterday and it was so great just being around them. Children can teach you a lot if you just open your heart to them and let them in. These have wiggled their way into my life and I love them as if they were my own.
Then, I was stopped by a couple that I consider to be my elders (and mentors) because they had seen the post that I stuck up on Facebook. I was able to share with them what was truly going on. They prayed for me and hugged me and we parted ways.
I ran into friends outside of the Olive Tree Cafe - where I got more hugs and talked for a minute before heading down to find a seat for service.
I found a seat and headed for the choir room where I made a new friend and possibly walking buddy - and got MORE hugs! lol!
At service, they had over 150 baptisms and then I got wet hugs lol! I was able to give hugs to those who not only have I known in my life, but to those who have freshly buried the sinful man. What a truly amazing service it was!
Afterwards, I met more friends and received more hugs. I went back up to the Olive Tree and guess what? I was bombarded by a couple of kids from my class with hugs!
I'm telling you, yesterday was a hug fest and I loved absolutely every minute of it! God showed me how truly blessed I am to have so many people that love and care about me. And not only by the hugs that I received and gave, but the love of God that just so totally wrapped me up in His loving embrace. It is so sweet and gentle and I love the fact that God is never going to let me go!
At Bible study that night, I went over the things that had been going on that weekend and I realized that what I experienced on Saturday was an attack. And the reason for that attack is two fold. Number one, I'm going in the direction that God wants me to go in and I'm getting opposition for it. And two, it was a test to see if I would turn tail and run, or stay and dig in and fight.
There are only two people that I really tell things to that are the closest to my heart - and even then sometimes the full story is not revealed to them. So during Bible study, we read Hebrews 3-5 and we discuss things that are going on in our lives at the time, what God's dealing with us on, how best to tackle a problem. We each have our own set of strengths and weaknesses and as friends, we compliment each other very well.
We have all been through stuff and there are things that God's pulling out of us all. For me personally, this is a new season and I can either face the challenges that lie ahead and walk in God's promises and plan for my life - or I can turn tail and run away to a life full of misery.
I would rather stay and fight for a little while and be uncomfortable than to go back to any miserable excuse of a life the devil wants to offer me!
So we were reading about faith out of Hebrews and talking about our faith, and I pondered the last two days. They were both so different from each other. I live in the peace that passes all understanding probably about 95% of the time. The things that used to bother me just really don't bother me anymore. And when my emotions do get the best of me, I always go to God first with it to find out what's going on.
So I asked God what Saturday was all about. He told me that it was a test of my faith - and whether or not I would obey God. He told me that it was also an attack on my faith. So I asked God if I had failed. He laughed (yes, God does have a sense of humor) and said no, that what I went through was meant to be a stumbling block. He showed me that when I started thinking those thoughts and feeling what I was feeling, that I turned to Him immediately to find out what was going on. Then He gave my two best friends the words to help me that night. On Sunday, he rewarded me by showing me how much He truly does love me and how proud He is to call me His daughter by giving me hugs through people in my life that truly do care.
He also told me that this is a time of waiting on Him and getting ready. For what, I'm not entirely sure. What I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that I love Him, I trust Him and I depend on Him and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. This wasn't about going back to truck driving. This was about obedience and when the going gets tough, which path are you going to choose?
Take care and God bless my friends!
I believe that the life choices you make with your head, you can make with your heart also. I found myself thinking more and more about the days gone by where I drove semis for a living. It was fun at the time and I absolutely love driving and traveling.
However, there are many downfalls to driving a truck. You're gone for 6 to 8 weeks at a time. That means that I would have to give up things that God has placed in my life for a purpose. My little ones in RezKidz, Freedom classes, all of the friends that I have made, my home, the time that I have to spend in God's Word and draw closer to Him - there are so many things.
There are many up sides to trucking as well, but the fact is is that this is a different season that God has me in. Trucking for me is at an end and it's time for me to let it go.
I wrote down some goals about what I truly want to do with my life and I was a little surprised by the answers I put down.
Now, I don't have a college degree, but I do have a lot of life experience under my belt. I've been through things that no human being should ever have to go through. And I know that God will use my testimony to reach others for Him. This is goal number one - and the most important.
The next goal that I have I'm not going to write down here. Some things are meant not to be said. It's a promise that God gave me a few months ago. I just have to be patient and spend the time that is given to me getting ready.
The third goal I have is to do a music internship through my church. I have loved music ever since I was a child. It was my one saving grace in school when everything else around me was crashing down.
So, when everything was going on on Saturday, and a lot of it was emotional, God showed up. He usually shows up in the midst of all the chaos. I could feel myself turning into the decision to go back to truck driving.
God told me to wait a little while longer and to not give up. The emotions that I was dealing with had to do with the thoughts in my head. Looking back, I can make that connection now.
This is not the first time that I have felt this way and I don't think it will be the last time either. The difference is that I have grown in the Lord and these feelings don't take over my entire life anymore.
When I posted the comment about OTR driving again, I was feeling a little desperate and wanted to escape. Typical of my flesh to do that when the going gets tough. Well, too bad, so sad flesh! I am not going anywhere!
Yesterday, God truly showed me how much I would be missed if I went back to truck driving. My kids bombarded me with hugs yesterday and it was so great just being around them. Children can teach you a lot if you just open your heart to them and let them in. These have wiggled their way into my life and I love them as if they were my own.
Then, I was stopped by a couple that I consider to be my elders (and mentors) because they had seen the post that I stuck up on Facebook. I was able to share with them what was truly going on. They prayed for me and hugged me and we parted ways.
I ran into friends outside of the Olive Tree Cafe - where I got more hugs and talked for a minute before heading down to find a seat for service.
I found a seat and headed for the choir room where I made a new friend and possibly walking buddy - and got MORE hugs! lol!
At service, they had over 150 baptisms and then I got wet hugs lol! I was able to give hugs to those who not only have I known in my life, but to those who have freshly buried the sinful man. What a truly amazing service it was!
Afterwards, I met more friends and received more hugs. I went back up to the Olive Tree and guess what? I was bombarded by a couple of kids from my class with hugs!
I'm telling you, yesterday was a hug fest and I loved absolutely every minute of it! God showed me how truly blessed I am to have so many people that love and care about me. And not only by the hugs that I received and gave, but the love of God that just so totally wrapped me up in His loving embrace. It is so sweet and gentle and I love the fact that God is never going to let me go!
At Bible study that night, I went over the things that had been going on that weekend and I realized that what I experienced on Saturday was an attack. And the reason for that attack is two fold. Number one, I'm going in the direction that God wants me to go in and I'm getting opposition for it. And two, it was a test to see if I would turn tail and run, or stay and dig in and fight.
There are only two people that I really tell things to that are the closest to my heart - and even then sometimes the full story is not revealed to them. So during Bible study, we read Hebrews 3-5 and we discuss things that are going on in our lives at the time, what God's dealing with us on, how best to tackle a problem. We each have our own set of strengths and weaknesses and as friends, we compliment each other very well.
We have all been through stuff and there are things that God's pulling out of us all. For me personally, this is a new season and I can either face the challenges that lie ahead and walk in God's promises and plan for my life - or I can turn tail and run away to a life full of misery.
I would rather stay and fight for a little while and be uncomfortable than to go back to any miserable excuse of a life the devil wants to offer me!
So we were reading about faith out of Hebrews and talking about our faith, and I pondered the last two days. They were both so different from each other. I live in the peace that passes all understanding probably about 95% of the time. The things that used to bother me just really don't bother me anymore. And when my emotions do get the best of me, I always go to God first with it to find out what's going on.
So I asked God what Saturday was all about. He told me that it was a test of my faith - and whether or not I would obey God. He told me that it was also an attack on my faith. So I asked God if I had failed. He laughed (yes, God does have a sense of humor) and said no, that what I went through was meant to be a stumbling block. He showed me that when I started thinking those thoughts and feeling what I was feeling, that I turned to Him immediately to find out what was going on. Then He gave my two best friends the words to help me that night. On Sunday, he rewarded me by showing me how much He truly does love me and how proud He is to call me His daughter by giving me hugs through people in my life that truly do care.
He also told me that this is a time of waiting on Him and getting ready. For what, I'm not entirely sure. What I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that I love Him, I trust Him and I depend on Him and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. This wasn't about going back to truck driving. This was about obedience and when the going gets tough, which path are you going to choose?
Take care and God bless my friends!
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